Reaching out of my Comfort Zone, for Good

Before I start, I have to make sure I say 2 things.  I KNOW how lucky I am, even though I tend to whinge (best word ever that I learned from one of my favorite people in the world).  James has his own challenges, but I do not think at all that he is, in any way, shape or form, a challenge.   He and Johnny Drama are my world.  I thank my lucky stars every night that I have them both. 

Also, Tiny Miss, this post was written before you and I talked today, so PLEASE do not think I was trying to get off the phone with you, or hesitate to call me anytime, about anything. xo

Actually, make that 3.  Sorry Tony, but because of what I managed to do today, there is a lot I didn't do.  I know you'll understand, though, and pick up the slack for me. again. xoxo

I was feeling sorry for myself this morning.  And guilty.  Guilty that I watched James get on the bus and tear up, again, while I went back in the house and poured a cup of coffee, still wearing slippers.  I felt like I should have been the one sacrificing, he goes through enough every day without me forcing him to be miserable for the hour before and after school, just so I don't have to drive across the city.

I decided to work out to take my mind off it, and it helped a lot.  

Then I had an even better idea.  I was going to sacrifice my own comfort in order to accomplish something really big this morning.

Anyone who knows me, knows that above all else, my biggest fear is talking on the phone.  I can't do it.  I would rather drive 2 hours to have a 15 minute conversation than just talk on the phone for 15 minutes, even with my own family.  I would rather speak to a room of 100 people than talk on a conference call to 3 (anyone remember how nervous I was for city council testimonies? Yes, talking on the phone is THAT uncomfortable for me).

I would rather do almost anything than talk on the phone (except hold Johnny Drama down while he gets stitches.  I did that once and we both were traumatized.  The security guard thought Johnny was being tortured, and the people in the ER waiting room were all awestruck and horrified when they finally saw us re-appear, sweaty and tear-stained.  If there is a next time, it is agreed that Tony will bring him.  I will even call someone and stay on the phone the whole time they are gone.)

There are too many unknowns on the phone.  I never know what to say.  When I do say something, I'm always afraid it came out terribly wrong and the person I'm talking to will get the wrong idea.  Without facial expressions to guide me, I don't know when I'm crossing the line. 

I go to great lengths to avoid phone conversations.  Texting, email and facebook conveniently allow me to avoid talking on the phone 99% of the time. 

So, this is who I am.  I'm not proud of it, but it's me.  Back to today. 

I'm on the board for Boston Public's School's Special Education Parent Advisory Council, and I offered to check SPEDPAC's voice mail for messages from families that might need assistance.  The mailbox was full with over 43 messages from parents who have no answers to their varied issues and concerns.

So, I fought against every instinct I had, and I picked up my cell phone.  I called them ALL (well, all except the 3 in Spanish, and the 2 others I knew were way of my league.  I was smart enough to pass them on to the appropriate people.)

I left messages for those who didn't answer, and gave them MY cell number.  I told them they could call me anytime.  And I meant it. I am now expecting calls from people I have never heard of before, and they could come at any time.  And I will have to answer.  That makes me incredibly uncomfortable, but at the same time, it makes me feel hopeful.  These parents, who left a message on an automated voice mail asking for help as a last ditch effort hoping someone will listen, will hear a message from a real person telling them they want to help.

For the ones who did answer, I asked them about their children.  I asked what age, what school.  I asked what was going on.  I asked how I could help them.  I suggested they come to the general meeting tonight and share their voice.  I told them to find me so I could meet them.  All of them.

Like I said before, I know how lucky I am.  I have the most amazing family and support system, and I don't know many other parents (of children with or without special needs) who have all I do. I decided to get out of my comfort zone a little bit to offer that support to others. 

I know it doesn't seem like much to hear for many of you (yea, big deal, she made a few phone calls.  wow.)  But for me, it really was HUGE. And by doing it, I gained more than I ever imagined I could today, and I already decided I'm going to offer to check for more messages tomorrow.

Taking Back September

I love September. The weather is perfect, the smells invoke memories for me of crisp, cool nights playing soccer under the lights, going to football games and hanging out with friends. All the time in the world.

New school year, new opportunities. Pure magic.

Until this year. I started out not being able to get the 10th anniversary of 9/11 out of my head, and now I can't seem to get into a groove.  Back to school month is always a bit chaotic (especially since James has been in 4 schools in the past 5 years) but this year, it has been unbearable, and I haven't wanted to deal with any of it.

Meetings are double booked. Homework trauma started on the first day of school. Both boys started crying about the work and the schedule by day 2. Buses come to different stops at the same time, if they show up at all. I have to drive to Johnny's stop (in my own neighborhood) just so I can get back home for James. The other day it was 2 hours late, and I spent my time switching between transportation police trying to track it down and trying to find a neighbor to get James off his own bus.

All the while, I've been running in circles, accomplishing nothing and getting more frazzled by the moment.

I'm coming undone. I've started obsessing about my younger one's emotional development and behavior, looking for signs that probably are only in my own head.  Tony does his best to salvage the evening when he gets home from work after a long day, but he has 2 hours to read with the boys, eat dinner and try to unwind before he has to get on a conference call.

I know how easy I have it -  I have friends who work demanding full time jobs, then go home to their children, many of whom have severe special needs. These moms juggle more in the few "free" hours at night, or in the morning, than I do during an entire day. One friend does 3 complete loads of laundry (including ironing) before I even get up. Another friend has had 2 meetings a night all week, is triple booked for tomorrow night, and will wake up Friday morning and drive 7 hours to spend a few hours with her grandmother on her 102nd birthday, then jump back in the car to be home Saturday for more meetings and her son's birthday party. Still another has her husband come home from teaching to take care of 5 while she works all night as an EMT for the city.  She comes home and gets one hour sleep before her son wakes her up - and then everyone gets up, and who can possibly get any sleep at that point?  It's a complete loss.

We're all unraveled. September owns us.

Today I took it back. Running around frazzled and tired, I stopped and looked at James, sniffling and sneezing, eyes watery and droopy, but going along with the morning routine. I realized that he needed to stay home from school.

My first reaction was no way. Not today. I'm co- hosting an event tomorrow night to introduce friends to two city councilors I strongly support, and I want it to be fantastic. There is too much to do. He just has a cold, he can handle school. Then I thought about it and realized he was going to get worse if he didn't rest.  We both were, and this was our chance.

We played games all morning and went to Friendly's (his favorite). We walked to Johnny's bus stop and took the long way home, not worrying about having to be somewhere else at the same time.

We didn't do anything special, but we took the day back. And in doing that, I feel like I got September back, for both of us. At least until 6:45 am.