Changing the Conversation

You know when you feel every day is exactly the same as the one before, and things start to seem like they are always going to stay the same? That's the way it's been for us the last year.

James has been obsessed with exotic cars for over a year. We talk about them all day long. Every day. Questions and lists and stats and comparisons. I hear "Is this fancier than that?" and "Have you ever seen...?" in my sleep.

Because of the journey we've taken together (that I wrote about in the Colgate Scene here), I never take anything he does or says for granted. Each interaction, no matter how seemingly insignificant to the parents of another nine year old, turns into a Hallmark moment as the parent of a child on the autism spectrum.

So although I'm really bummed that I missed the moment, I'm lucky that I wasn't actually there for the thing that changed everything or it would have turned into a scene from a LifeTime channel movie.

James and I watch the show "Chasing Classic Cars" together on the Velocity channel, which is like the polar opposite of the LifeTime channel. I DVR all the shows and then pick ones I think he'll be interested in. We've been watching them for awhile, and he's finally stopped having to fast forward through them to see if there are any other fancy cars showing up in the episode, and he's just started to just watch and enjoy the show itself. That's huge for him.

So when I found out the star of the show Wayne Carini (who owns F40 Motorsports right near my in-laws' house) was having a Cars and Coffee event to benefit Autism Speaks, I knew there was no way we'd miss it. I wondered what would happen if James were able to meet him. I envisioned all sorts of rapid fire questions about Bugattis and Paganis, and I was genuinely excited to hear James ask those same questions I hear 100 times a day- because it would be to someone who understands his passion.

But this? I was SO not prepared for this.

When we got to the show there were already tons of amazing cars there. We had met up with good friends and wanted to catch up a bit, but James immediately started pulling us around the lot, making sure he mentally cataloged every car he saw. As much as there was to see in the lot, he still couldn't keep his eyes off the road, though, because cars kept pulling in. So we would lap the perimeter, him with one eye on each car we passed and the other on the 2 driveways entering the lot. We didn't stop. 

I needed a breather. So I stayed behind to keep an eye on his younger brother who had basically moved in to the mobile video game van. My job was to stand outside and hand him dollar bills every 5 minutes so he could keep playing while James circled. All the proceeds from the games went directly to Autism Speaks, so I was more than happy to empty my friends' and mother-in-law's wallets as well as my own while Tony brought James inside the F40 showroom.

Only one money transfer had taken place when I looked towards the showroom and saw Wayne Carini come out, followed closely by James and his entourage, and then a number of other people. Tony was looking at me pointing to our camera and then to Wayne. I wasn't sure if they were stalking him for a photo, but it was enough for me to leave my post (Johnny sure wasn't about to go anywhere with at least 12 quarters and an entire mobile vehicle filled with games, so I moved towards the growing crowd following Wayne.)

And I watched THIS happen:




Wayne Carini put James in the driver's seat of his famous 1958 Tojeiro

And I turned to Wayne Carini and said "thank you, this means a ton". Mr. Carini said "I think he's caught the car bug now" and I laughed that he's had it for a while and the Bugatti in the Barn episode was his favorite. I had no idea how James happened to end up in Wayne Carini's driver's seat, I was just thrilled to see James so happy.

Tony told me afterwards what happened:

While they were in the showroom, James turned to Tony and pointed in front of him and asked "Is that Wayne?"

Wayne heard him and turned and said "Yes, I'm Wayne. What's your name?"

And James said:



James and Wayne Carini
(awesome photo thanks to Jen Oliva)

And it is a really, really good thing I didn't actually hear him say this because I would have completely lost it...

"My name is James. I'm a big fan of your show. My mom and I watch it all the time".

THIS? THIS IS IT! This is the first time that James has started a conversation that didn't involve a question he needed to be answered for his own benefit, or to add information to his own internal catalog. He introduced himself to his car hero Wayne Carini, and told him he was a big fan. That's it. No questions. No probing for information from the one person who can answer all the questions he asks everyone else all the time.

I think James' interest in cars is awesome. I have a blast watching his reaction, and hearing him talk about them and ask questions of me and Tony and our friends and family. It is so much fun to watch James go up to a car at a show and start asking questions of anyone standing nearby.

But what he did,on his own, last weekend? That was unbelievably huge. It changed the conversation. This journey we are on just gets more and more incredible every day.

But be reassured that not everything changed. After he talked to Wayne, James went back to circling and scanning the roads for the next fancy car. And then all of a sudden, this pulled in to the lot. As soon as it did, James knew he had seen them all, and he turned to me and said "OK Mom. We can go home now."

Herb Chambers arriving in his Bugatti

You can see all our photos from Wayne Carini's Cars and Coffee to benefit Autism Speaks here:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4706747987263.2188542.1251192499&type=1&l=c21ec795b5

Bugatti Brain (Or Why I Think Wayne Carini Needs James as an Apprentice)

A few weeks ago, on a perfectly beautiful Fall day, we went to a car show on the Boston Common called The Boston Cup Classic Car Show. You can check out photos of the cars at thebostoncup.com.

James didn't know what to expect, except that his favorite car would be there, and he couldn't handle the anticipation. All the waiting  - driving in, circling the Financial District for 1/2 hour looking for a spot, walking over to the Common. By the time we got to the show, he was out of sorts.

All the cars were lined up in a circle so we started walking around, stopping to check out every car, each more impressive than the last. There were at least 150 of the most gorgeous cars I'd ever seen. All side by side, encircling the historic gazebo in the Boston Common. It was incredible.

James kept tugging us to go faster, faster. "Don't stop! We need to keep going faster!" We tried to explain that we had all day, there was no rush. We tried to force him to stop and actually look for more than a second at each car.

And then it hit me. I know what he was doing. Before he could take the time to appreciate each car, he needed to catalog every car there in his head. He NEEDED to go through quickly and make sure he had the entire inventory catalogued before he could relax.

So we just went. We went FAST. We racewalked around the entire circle, barely pausing long enough for me to figure out what each car was before getting tugged ahead. Tony and I took turns rushing with him so Johnny wouldn't end up losing it himself. And then as Tony and James raced ahead, I heard a guy next to me say to his friend "Hey- did you see that little kid in the green Lamborghini t-shirt? That's the same kid we saw at the Larz Anderson Italian car show who..." and then, UGH!  That was it - someone walked in between us and I never got to hear the rest of that thought.  I'm very, very sure it was about how great a kid he is...

When we finally got back to the first car, James was suddenly, completely calm. He was able to walk around and tell Johnny when to take photos. He started comparing the cars, ranking his favorites. here are just a few of the many incredible cars we saw:

He willingly took a break for Johnny to go on the merry go round and play in the playground. James pronounced the Boston Common his favorite park ever, and the burger place we ate at the best hamburger ever.

Then we went back again, because we hadn't gotten a photo of his favorite car there. We raced halfway around the circle again, and waited for all the people to move out of the way while James repeatedly asked me why we weren't allowed inside the circle like those standing in his way (Clearly the VIP treatment he got from Herb Chambers may have jaded him a little...)

And finally we got THE photo. The car he ranked highest on the list of all the cars he saw that day.

And when I picked him up from school Monday, he was excitedly telling his teacher all about it. "Mom! Where's your phone! Where is the picture? Of the car? The one Mr. R needs to see - the best one!" He started grabbing my phone out of my hands and frantically looking for the photo. Then he found it and held it up for Mr. R.

Mr. R was really impressed. "Wow!" That's a Bugatti?" he asked, pointing to the picture. "It's beautiful!"


Just look past the 1948 Delahaye...

"No, THAT's not it!" corrected James "It's the one in the back! THAT'S the Bugatti. The rarest, fanciest car in the world!"

James' prized Bugatti

Note: James and I watch "Chasing Classic Cars" together, and his favorite episode is when Wayne Carini finds a Bugatti that looks similar to this one sitting in a barn in New York, and he completely restores it to its original beauty and glamour. Tomorrow morning, we are going to a Cars and Coffee event at Mr. Carini's F40 Motorsports. and all proceeds from the event go to Autism Speaks. I'm psyched to go and support Autism Speaks, but I'm really just hoping that I get to hear James and Wayne Carini talk about Bugattis...

He Draws Us In

It all started when he got punched.

We were driving his friend Luca to the pool last summer and James was obsessing about traffic lights, as always, when Luca leaned over and punched him. "Punch buggy Red! No Punch backs!" he yelled.

James whined "Mom, Luca punched me!" Then immediately curious, he forgot all about the punch and asked "What's a Punch buggy?"

We explained the game, but he still didn't get it. Then all of a sudden he noticed the VW symbol on the car. "Mom! What's THAT?" he squealed, like he was seeing something incredible. I started to explain that each car company had a symbol, but before I could finish, he had noticed 4 other symbols and was asking me what they were in rapid fire succession.

He. Was. Hooked.

Within days, he knew each symbol and could identify cars before I could even make out whether they were sedans or hatchbacks. And the obsession grew as quickly as his expertise. He catalogued each car he saw, mentally keeping track of which ones were a dime a dozen (Priuses and Civics) or ones that he only saw a few times (Cubes and Corvettes).

Soon it was only "Fancy Cars" he wanted to find, although he still kept an internal list of every car he saw. I watched him scan the roads tirelessly, the same way I used to look on the side of the highway for bags of abandoned puppies I could rescue. I know. I have issues.

I wrote a blog post about his new love (click here if you want to read it), and within 5 minutes of hitting publish I received an email list of the 10 fanciest cars in the world from our friend Robbie. It made my day. James was overjoyed and kept a copy of it for reference (of course, he wouldn't bring it in the car because he was afraid someone would take it).

Then it snowballed.

His Uncle Steve started sharing pictures of a friend's Lambo and giving James books about muscle cars. His Aunt Heather regularly pins exotic cars to a special Pinterest board we made for him.

Tony's coworkers gave James both a Ferrari and Maserati hat. One of them has some connections she is going to tap into for James to see some fun cars, and a few actually have fancy cars and have made them accessible to James.

I posted on Facebook last month that I needed to find James a Bugatti and a DeLorean in Boston. Within minutes, Michelle posted a recent, local DeLorean sighting and Alysia sent me a link for Herb Chamber's Cars and Coffee (which just happened to be the upcoming weekend, and would feature his newly purchased Bugatti). James and Tony went on their first significant father/ son adventure together, and James still talks breathlessly about it more than a month later.

Herb Chambers' Bugatti - 1 of only 300 ever made.
James and Tony drove an hour at the crack of dawn to see it. TOTALLY worth it...

Cars are now entwined in everything that James is involved with, and they are actually helping him communicate. Everyone around us is now versed in "Fancy Cars". From our friend down the road who tagged a photo of a lambo he saw and "thought of James", to the friend across the street who talks to James about exotic cars daily and compares which ones are worthy, to the man we saw at an ice cream stand in CT with a 1960 Porsche when James made a beeline for his car and started asking a ton of questions (and since he was on a roll, he then went on to spend 20 minutes teaching his Uncle Mike everything he needed to know about Fancy Cars).

I love to ride with James and see him spot a Lotus on the other side of the Mass Pike when all I see is a streak of yellow, or hear him scream "LAMBORGHINI" from the playground as a black blur speeds down the road off in the distance. But I'm his mom and this is my life. I never expected everyone around us to rally around this obsession and I definitely never anticipated what the cars would do for his social skills and his confidence. James has always struggled so hard and so intensely to try to interact with other people. It has been heartbreaking and frustrating for me to watch him try to have a conversation by repeating the same questions over and over, so it is profoundly amazing to me that he is now actually creating specific connections with everyone around him. Purely by being himself and talking about what he loves.

He draws us in. It's in his nature. And as much as I am enjoying this obsession and am curious to see where it might take us, it makes me realize something much more significant. No matter what James' interest, he is going to be able to draw us all in.

And I know that we are all going to be happier for being part of whatever he uses to connect with us, and in doing so, being part of HIM.

Note: In fact, I have a handwritten note that I carry in my bag to the owner of the DeLorean, just in case I see it parked while I'm "casually" driving through his town center on the long way home from James' school, scanning, like James does, for a glimpse of silver. The note tells James' story, and asks if we can come visit his car so James can add it to his mental collection. I know he is going to love James' story and then fall in love with him. Just like we all have.

OH, one last very important note - the next Herb Chambers Cars and Coffee event is coming up June 9. James WILL absolutely be there. He just made us promise to take him. Click the link for details if you want to meet up with us and see the Bugatti!