"Mom? MOM? MOM! Where's the glue?"
I hesitated for a second. I didn't want to answer.
"Mama! Please? I want to make something!"
No. I didn't need an arts and crafts project right now. I was annoyed. I was tired. I just needed to escape for a few minutes. Not now.
"Mom? I found the glue!"
Shit. I needed a break. I didn't need to be cleaning up glue.
The weather was awful again, and we had been stuck in the house for days without a car. We were all bored. I was letting them play as much Wii as they wanted, going through the motions of cleaning and organizing. I wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. I've never been able to handle staying in one place without feeling completely trapped, so after a few days of confinement I was starting to unravel.
I did NOT want glue.
I stared at the 3 huge baskets of laundry to be folded and sighed.
He called again. I stomped downstairs. They needed something every second. It was all too much.
I walked into the dining room to see glue all over the table, and Johnny trying in frustration to stick a piece of paper on another.
Aggravated, I said: "See, this is what happens with the glue. It gets all over".
"But Mama, it's stuck. Can you help me?"
I sighed loudly and took the little red piece of paper out of his hands and stuck it firmly on the larger paper, barely looking at it.
"Now I'm going upstairs. If you can't do it without spilling then I'm going to make you stop".
I half stomped upstairs to pretend to do laundry again, only to sit on my bed and feel the tears of frustration start to swell. Why didn't I just say no and make him go play Wii again? Why did I always let them do things that I had to finish, fix or actually do myself?
And then right in the middle of my little pity party, Johnny came running upstairs. "Mama! Look what I made!" he sang, and he handed me his paper as he jumped around happily. I put on the biggest forced smile I could and got ready to look excited as I took the paper from him.
But the second I looked at it, I didn't have to pretend anymore. And I remembered why I say yes.
|I make sure I keep it where I can see it though, just for *those* days...|